


We Rebuild from the Ground Up

by oudeteron



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Kaz suffers a lack of morale, M/M, Peace Walker nostalgia, Speculation, The Phantom Pain, pre-release, this is that obligatory fic that attempts to damage-control the trailer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 18:23:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oudeteron/pseuds/oudeteron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some nights, Big Boss manages to make Kaz forget about everything that hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Rebuild from the Ground Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cherrytruck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrytruck/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, Che! You said the BB/Kaz feels were coming back, and I sympathize. So here's a fic about BB and Kaz coping with what the trailer showed us about them. Lots of speculation, obviously, but I hope it's enjoyable! THIS SHIP IS A CLASSIC <3

It was a quiet night, a night that made the war they were waging seem more than far away. To Kaz, as he lay there on the edge of sleep, it could almost have seemed nonexistent if not for the constant reminders he couldn't escape, etched through his body into his mind. The moon was full tonight, illuminating the small but pleasantly utilitarian bedroom he and Snake usually slept in, though Kaz was the only person present right now. He wasn't the biggest fan of that, but he couldn't argue with the fact that privacy had its perks. 

Everyone lower down the chain of command shared sleeping quarters, most of those being spacious halls where the sleepers' only comfort came from creaky bunk beds—a lot of creaky bunk beds in one place. That the Boss and his second in command had better amenities was beyond any recruit's allowance to question. That they slept in the same room could mean a hundred things, particularly considering Big Boss's famous judiciousness when it came to use of space and resources.

Kaz turned to shift his weight to that side where his arm still was, squinting in the moonlight. Sure it meant a hundred things. Just like it did in MSF. Like the old times. 

They were rebuilding, forging allegiances that could be described as precarious to say the least, but it wasn't like they could be choosers. A friendly backstabber was better than an unfriendly one: that could make all the difference between getting stabbed in the back and getting someone _else_ stabbed in the back on your behalf. And so Ocelot would join them in their small bedroom some nights, perhaps share a cigar with Snake while he juggled his revolver casually from hand to hand. Kaz found the habit viscerally irritating to watch but didn't press it—after all, it was thanks to him that Kaz was here and not...well, that was better left unsaid. 

Ocelot himself acted quite cool and collected for a man Snake had only ever described as a precocious attention-grabber with an especial fondness for flashy displays of skill, someone who could get a job done but who'd make you know every ounce of whatever displeasure he felt about a task. While this new Ocelot wasn't exactly a letdown, it was hard not to wonder where the old one had gone, other than to some unsaid place of his own. 

Ocelot never stayed in the room with them to sleep, although Big Boss had offered. To which the man would just shake his head with a smile, a not-so-cryptic comment about how one's self was the only trustworthy comrade on his lips. Said that in front of Kaz, no less. If they could afford to be choosers, that might have been cause for alarm.

While Kaz lay there contemplating, the door swung open, startling him more than it should have. Snake's motions were easy to recognize, fortunately. Kaz could even tell that the other man was sneaking, trying not to make a fuss. He may even have thought that Kaz was asleep. 

Now, Kaz feigned sleep often; it was easier sometimes to tune everything out than try to stay on top of it. Snake was probably the one person who was able to tell, but he would simply leave Kaz to it for the sake of the unspoken agreement they had, an assumption of respect. They'd respect each other's quirks unless there was a reason not to. Including the apparently pointless ones, like feigning sleep.

But tonight would be different. “Snake,” Kaz called out in a whisper, never mind there was little point to keeping noise down in a reasonably isolated room they had all to themselves. Anything close to “come here” and “you were gone long today” felt too pathetic to say, and to Kaz's relief there was no need to spell it out. Big Boss only nodded, turned away from the empty bed he'd been facing, and made his way over to Kaz. 

There was no token “what's wrong”, either. Most of the innocuous small talk they could have tolerated before had felt facile ever since their second attempt at carving out a niche of their own in the world began. (The revenge part was a new addition.) What wasn't wrong with where they were and how they were living, really? Pointless to ask just to invite more reminders. _Yeah, Boss, my leg's all wrong. So's my arm. I can feel them even though I'm not supposed to._

Snake's weight settled quietly on the edge of Kaz's bed, his silver-lined silhouette bowing. He smelled of outside, of all the things Kaz _could_ still do, but only if he made the requisite preparations in advance and hoped he had a good day.

“Trouble sleeping,” was the euphemism Kaz opted to go with. It hardly mattered what exact words he used. At this point, the two of them communicated somewhere else. 

“These aren't helping as much as you thought, huh?” With that, Snake reached for the sunglasses Kaz was still wearing—yes, in his bedroom, in the middle of the night. His hand hovered above them in silent question until Kaz let out a quiet _hmm_ ; only then did it descend to take hold of the accessory and reveal Kaz's face. Snake reassured him again as he deposited the sunglasses onto the military-issue desk that served as Kaz's bedside table with an audible click, never breaking the eye contact they now had.

Kaz had always been too attached to his aviators, and he had indeed worn them for reasons of evasiveness during that time he was making phone calls he shouldn't have. But they had never been this much of an emotional crutch before: he'd only take them off when he felt absolutely safe. Which tended to be with Big Boss in the room and sometimes, grudgingly, Ocelot. A room that had Kaz himself in it but was otherwise empty didn't quite do the trick these days. Kaz especially preferred to avoid falling asleep in a room like that.

He had the feeling he'd sleep well tonight, though, after this. 

Snake had made himself more comfortable beside him, almost surprisingly careful about it. The bed was narrow and probably wouldn't have fit both of them before, but now that there were only about two thirds of Kaz left, it wasn't such a challenge to fold into the space. Snake pressed his body to the side of Kaz's torso where his now-missing arm had been, and the pain in the back of Kaz's head became a little less. 

Sharing space when no one was looking was their current habit, as well as one of the few things that could get them to truly relax. The choice to assume such a position was almost an unconscious one, had been ever since the night they both figured they still wanted this part of their camaraderie to continue. They rested against each other until their very breathing was synchronized, was calm. 

“Glad to be with you again, Boss,” Kaz finally said. It didn't come across as happy as a similar proclamation he made a decade ago, when they were still in Costa Rica, but there must have still been some genuine feeling left because Snake responded with an appreciative chuckle. 

Maybe “ _with_ you” was starting to get unnecessary. Maybe it was more like they were turning into complementary parts of each other, and they felt best when all the unspoken pain they'd accumulated was free to spill over like water, spreading evenly between them. More than barriers, they had osmosis, a term that didn't seem far-fetched at all during those times when they were nothing but an undifferentiated mass of darkness and moonlight on a bed.

Eventually, Snake propped himself up on one elbow to cup Kaz's face, a faint flashback to the only tolerable portion of how the two of them had reunited after all those years. The difference was that this time, Kaz could move. He leaned upwards and Snake understood, meeting him halfway for a kiss that was nothing new, nothing fancy, but nonetheless what they needed now. 

If Ocelot decided to pay them a visit tonight, he'd be in for a sight. 

They soon broke apart from that first taste as if to prevent overindulgence, but the tension now tangible between them was a hint that things were far from concluded. Clearly happy to use the leverage he already had, Snake climbed on top of Kaz, arms and legs aligned on either side of him, flesh and metal, while Kaz took the opportunity to grab the back of Snake's head to kiss him again, more demanding now. He threaded his fingers through Snake's hair, remembering the way they'd always get tangled in the bandana Snake used to wear; now all he could pull on while they did this was hair, and he had to be careful not to bump into the protrusion on Snake's forehead as they shoved against each other at their leisure. 

So many chances to hurt each other, and yet they'd be okay. What could happen to them that hadn't already? 

“So, you still into this?” Snake asked into the silence punctuated only by the noises made by the bed, which was complaining even under their restrained motions.

Kaz always answered this question with sincerity, having long since learned it was the only way. It was also much more rewarding when he had the option to speak honestly, in contrast to his earlier obligation to be secretive. “Yeah.”

At his confirmation, Snake sat back to straddle him, and immediately bent back down to help Kaz out of his T-shirt. These small courtesies usually went without comment—there was no point arguing, or so Kaz felt, over casual assistance with a man who seemed to trust him even after everything that had happened, a man who by all indications didn't perceive him as anything “less”. Big Boss had seen how tough he was, and he knew better than to forget. 

As the rest of Kaz's clothing was removed, partly by himself and partly with help, it struck him that he enjoyed letting Snake see him naked, battered body or not. He was anything but the overzealous magazine cover boy he'd resembled during their MSF days, and yet something about how Snake touched him in ways no one else would believe he was even capable of at this point brought some of Kaz's self-assured demeanor back, at least temporarily. He watched as Snake shrugged out of his jacket, the rest of his clothes soon following, then settling next to Kaz again. Their bodies meshed into the same jigsaw puzzle they'd become earlier, only with no fabric in the way. Fighting the pain, there was now pleasure rising from Kaz's hollow places as Big Boss embraced him like there was nothing wrong, nothing wrong with either of them at all. Nothing wrong in the world. That illusion was doomed to a lifespan more ephemeral than that of a fly but life happens in moments anyway, right? That was the thought they clung to while they felt other, taking their time—growing old, maybe. There was certainly none of that raw need to speed sex or some warm-up fistfight along, just a comfortable intimacy that didn't ask for anything specific to be done as long as they could both feel good—for a while. 

And yet they found themselves sharing another kiss sooner rather than later, and Kaz suppressed a full-body shiver while Snake's hands raked over his sides, the difference in their temperature too compelling not to notice and accept as something that was, under the right circumstances, exciting. He knew he was becoming the more desperate party here, a fact that didn't bother him as much as it could have. It was, in a way, liberating to get desperate about something that wasn't a losing battle for a change. He wouldn't lose with Snake, because he wouldn't fight him. 

Growing bolder, Snake shifted to align himself more closely with Kaz, who took his cue and turned onto his side as well so that they could be face to face. Neither up nor down, only together. Kaz noticed as he surveyed the older man that Snake actually looked more tired and affectionate than horny tonight, especially compared to Kaz who had been working himself up throughout this encounter, despite the minimal direct stimulation. Resisting it felt pointless; he _wanted_ to finish off. Pleasure was so scarce. “Snake...”

“Taking it easy tonight,” came the murmured reply before Kaz felt the warmer hand, which had come to rest on his healed shoulder—healed physically, anyway—slide down across his chest and his abdomen and lower, until it wrapped around him so firm that his breath hitched and he could only lean into the touch, groaning. It sounded a little like _Boss_ , though he was pretty sure he hadn't meant it to be a coherent word at all. 

The hand working him was steady, the touch of someone who knew precisely what he liked. Snake was so intentional about it, making it clear that he was trying to bring Kaz over without any concern for himself just then. He kissed Kaz again, then went back to simply watching him squirm, looking quite content with that. 

“You're not gonna...?”

“You can pay me back another time,” Snake said in a matter-of-fact tone that was somehow more frustrating than anything yet, but obviously in good faith. Then, with a long and almost gentle stroke that made Kaz's ragged breath turn into a moan, “Now have fun.”

“You sure about tha—” was what Kaz started to say when Snake chose to stop what he was doing and slid down Kaz's body himself to replace his hand with his mouth. 

Kaz hadn't felt this in a while. Actually, this was the first time he wasn't stopping Big Boss from lying between his legs, the untouched one and the one that had taken damage, the first time it didn't make him feel exposed in the worst of ways. As though to reassure him some more, it was his damaged leg—the one he usually wore a prosthetic for because it was just easier to walk around here than sit, but in bed it was naked like the rest of him—that Snake picked to start caressing up and down, synchronized with the bobbing motions of his head. His actions were still slow and meticulous, like he didn't want it to be over too soon after so long. 

For his part, Kaz was fine with taking longer, because Big Boss was good. Or certainly no worse than the one in Kaz's memory, from _before_. He'd never attempted to take Kaz's whole length in and he wasn't trying to do it now, but the way he covered everything he could with his mouth and tongue was kind of more arousing than if he did attempt to go for the whole deep-throating thing. He used his free hand to prevent Kaz's hips from bucking up too abruptly, which he was probably soon glad for because Kaz didn't even register it when he did just the thing that could have made the other man lose his rhythm. He arched off the bed only to be pushed back, his mind unraveling as his entire body shook. 

_How is this still possible? We're in the middle of fucking nowhere, hunted by everyone we've ever crossed and then some and we don't stand a real chance of winning this, do we? So how are we doing this—how is Snake still doing this when I'm a—_

His thoughts came to a standstill when he felt the heat around his cock recede suddenly, and he looked down with an expression that was probably too bewildered for him to mask. 

He was met with an intense stare and something between a plea and an order: “Kaz, stay with me.”

Kaz gave a long sigh, nodding as he returned from somewhere he hadn't realized his mind had taken him to. It was strange, this disconnect between self-hate and acceptance—how it could crop up at the worst possible moments. He had just almost called himself a cripple in his head, just because that was what most others would set him up to expect. But even then, even if he did call himself that, it wasn't managing to diminish his arousal or to drive his partner away. It didn't mean he was beyond reach. It didn't mean he deserved the hurt he got, or that a reprieve through a little pleasure wasn't for him. He refocused on everything he could see—Snake, himself, the late-night stillness, the sheer concern that floated to the surface whenever Kaz lost sight of himself like this—mumbling an apology on behalf of something he couldn't even pinpoint.

Snake shook his head, altogether too dignified for someone whose face was inches from Kaz's crotch. But then that was how it always went with them, wasn't it? Defying expectation. No convention except whichever ones they made, and even those could change. Nothing to be ashamed of at the end of the day. “Nothing to be sorry about.”

That was all it took to bring him back. Snake went down on him with renewed fervor and Kaz just barely managed to gasp out, “I—I'm here. I'm with you, Boss.”

A low hum in response, a swirl of the tongue, everything this man knew about him condensed into a wet glide that drove Kaz to distraction. Cheeks sucked in, lips sliding back only to close around his tip before engulfing him again, as far as Snake could take him without choking. It sufficed plenty. A firm hand restrained him from actually fucking the other's mouth; the most Kaz could get away with were erratic thrusts that had no real force. Still, it was enough—the sensation was already close to overwhelming and made movement secondary, unimportant, just an afterthought. What mattered was that he was close, he was breathing hard, he was coming, and he felt more things that were good and worth it than he would have thought he was still capable of before this stellar reminder. 

And for a few seconds of perfect clarity, no pain.

*

They both slept well that night, sharing the same bed like it was the most self-evident thing in the world. When the sun lit the room too pervasively to sleep through, they woke up in a tangle that was one. 

_Our new home._


End file.
